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How To Be Single and Not Lonely
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I did a little research on this holiday and is really just too sad to report. As the idealist that I am, I much rather the version of today. Today Valentines is a day to celebrate and acknowledge the feeling of love. This sounds very nice in theory but what if we find ourselves single during this time of the year? Can we tap on this feeling of love while feeling  lonely? This very good feeling that has all of us walking in the clouds. Everyone is susceptible to, from the young to the old, the rich and poor, the healthy and the sick. No one is too smart, too noble, too evil or too good to fall under its spell. 

 

This day is cherished by some, wished upon, dreamed of and abhorred by others. It carries with it so many emotions that no other holiday can compare to it. Though this could be argued by some religious sectors. On the whole, across religions and worldwide this is a common thread among us all. This is the thread of love.  Though there are many kinds of love, to be single and not lonely  will require us moving away from romantic love language and onto other words such as belonging, connecting and partnering

 

Why Do We Crave a Partner?

I myself have personal conflicted emotions attached to this grandiose day.  Why the hype? Can’t we just get on with it like any other day? Why must it feel like the clock stops ticking for these lovers to connect while the rest of us hold our breath for it to end! I can feel the change all around me. It’s very quiet, hardly noticeable, which is in fact what makes me more aware of its arrival.  Like a mystery it crawls in and no one says a word of it, except it is announced everywhere we go with decorations, colorful pink and red wrappers, flowers and gifts. No one talks of it, but we know is coming, we know its meaning and its expectations. 

 

The unspoken expectation of everyone having a pair. We see the ducks pairing, birds, bunnies and deers, dogs say hello and children play. To be alone on Valentines day feels a bit like a lost electron in the universe (otherwise known as a free radical in the human body), looking for a place to find balance. Therefore, to be single and not lonely means to feel balanced. That is the idea after all isn’t? To fit in! When we feel like we fit, we no longer feel lonely. Such as once the electron finds an atom who wants it and accepts it, it is stable. It is not only stable itself, but it also makes that atom stable as well. Deep breath, everyone is happy for this moment. 

 

What Does Human Connection Mean?

Through connection is one of the ways we can be single and not lonely. Deep down we all have the intrinsic need to connect. Connect to others at work, in our communities, school, our families and friends. To feel connected to others, to something important, like a job, a task, a mission. Just like the animals have this intrinsic need naturally, just like the universe reveals this to us in atom valence bonds, so also we have this desire deep within ourselves. 

 

The interesting thing about unpaired electrons is that they all want to be paired and there are enough atoms who need and want them. The need and want is an equal attraction for both.  This is a wonderful adventure of searching for both the electron and the atom. All this to say that connection is valid and important, belonging is important. It is possible to be single and not lonely through connecting and belonging in many different ways. These are valid and intrinsic needs we feel in our bodies, emotionally and spiritually. 

 

What Does It Mean To Belong?

We are intricately created to interact, to live together, resolve conflicts, procreate and need one another. Therefore when faced with the desires to connect and to belong, let us acknowledge and place in high esteem, on answering the call of our souls. This primitive call is so strong, no power has been able to come against it throughout time. No matter how many times the human race has been on the brink of extinction.  This call which comes through deep within our souls is the driving force to unite, create and belong.

So when you are feeling this longing, remember that it is only the call. Is nothing to reject, push down or aside. Is the call to connect to our world, our community, our families and ourselves. Therefore, we are never single and alone. This feeling that arises deep down when we are alone, this feeling that brings on other emotions such as sadness, lack of motivation, a feeling of cold, abandoned and crying is all a call, a reminder to reconnect. It is a feeling of disconnection. Because we are intricately built to connect, our bodies are kin at alerting us when this disconnect takes place. This is not only disconnected from our community, work and family. This is also a disconnection with ourselves. Tending to our needs. Investing the time necessary to nourish ourselves, to connect with ourselves, to be with ourselves. It’s important to be with others as well and there is time for both. Remember to be single and not lonely,  reconnect to the abundant love that surrounds you!

 

How Do You Connect With Yourself?

Here I like to share with you a few ideas on connecting with yourself and others. 

 

  • Don’t wait to receive flowers. If you think they look beautiful, just get some, and get your friends some and your children. Don’t wait for someone else to do this. Starts with you!

 

  • Take a nice bath with a bath bomb, epsom salt and candles. It may seem like too much but really try it if it calls to you.

 

  • Write a letter to yourself,  do a journal entry or make a list. “Why I like me,” or “What I like about me.” Step it up by posting it next to your mirror where you will see it. Upgrade by posting it where others will see it. You will see them smile in agreement when they read it. 

 

  • Watch an old classic movie by yourself, friends or family with your favorite snacks, such as popcorn, cheese and olives platter and kombucha.

 

  • Play classic board games, such as anomaly, sorry,  yahtzee, etc. Something easy and light that brings laughter and gathering. 

 

  • Ask yourself, “If I wasn’t alone right now, if someone was with me, what would I like to do?” When you have your answer go and do it. Remember you asked what you want to do, not what they want to do. Therefore, deep down whatever your answer is, you want to do this. 

 

How Do You Make Popcorn More Tasty?

Popcorn is such a fun snack to have. However it is still full of calories and not very filling. Enhance this scrumptious snack by being generous with the fat of choice. Depending on your food of choice or dietary restrictions, choose a fat that is suitable for you and be generous with it. The fat will help slow down the sugar imbalance that can occur due to this snack and you will feel fuller sooner with the added fat than if you opt out for minimal light popcorn. Enjoy altering spices of your choice. These are some of my favorite but I have also tried some garlic salt, dry herbs and taco seasoning for variations.

 

Organic popcorn kernels

½c Ghee butter, coconut oil or organic butter (melted). Amount varies by choice

1T Curry – to taste

2t Sea salt – to taste

Cook popcorn kernels on an air popper or pot. Add the melted butter or oil to taste. Finally add the curry and salt to taste. 

Learn more about my services at www.ExpansiveWellness.com

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